Her Man Earl Died Rich !

I first met Bud (he didn't like to be called Herman) when Kathy and I got married in 1997. By then he was well into the last stages of Alzheimer's. He came to live with us after Kathy's mom died. Living with and taking care of somebody who has Alzheimer's is an eye-opening experience, as you do not know what is going to happen, what mood they will be in, or what to expect.

It is truly a 36-hour a day experience. Bud was a jack of all trades when he was younger and although he could not recall what he ate five minutes ago, he could remember the past very well.

We took care of him for 18 months until the day that he figured out how to fix his car that I had disabled. He took off while I was at work and Kathy had gone into the bathroom. In a matter of seconds, he was out the door and off in his car. A friend found him, parked near a home that he had lived in years past. He was scared and did not know where he was. Sadly, because the police had become involved, and because Kathy's sisters protested, Bud was placed into a long-term care facility (nursing home), where he spent his last couple of years.

When we would go visit him, I could not help but notice some of the other patients and wonder what they did when they were younger. One, a few years older than Bud, had been an Aeronautical Engineer, working with the U.S. Government on classified projects. Now he spent his days sitting near the front door, waiting for a son to come for a visit, an event that according to the staff, occurred once a year, around his birthday.

Bud's inability to remember recent events was probably merciful, as he did not know he was in a nursing home most of the time. He thought he was the manager and maintenance man of an apartment complex. We received many calls telling us that Bud had removed all the doorknobs, or had taken all the screens off the windows.

Bud was for the most part, a "lost edge" as far as his other daughters were concerned. They did make it impossible for Kathy to visit her dad, except for late night visits when certain staff members were on duty. Like most of the other patients in the care facility, Bud was there because society likes to keep people with complex problems out of the way.

To Kathy, Bud was and always will be one of the highlights of her life. She never gave up, and although the rest of her family prevented her from attending her own father's memorial service, she did get a visit from him on the night he died, in the form of a bright light, at the foot of her bed, joining with another light that had come to take him home.

As for me, I had some good talks with Bud, in the rare times that he had full recognition and recall. He was a very strong man, who worked hard to provide for his family.

Herman Earl Diedrich, or as he liked to say "Her man Earl died rich.", was a good friend as well as a father in law.