I Want My PhD

     The election year is upon us, and graduation is almost here for high school and college seniors. Many post-graduate students will receive their diplomas this spring, marking the completion of a journey that at times was very difficult.
     There are many other people that will receive "honorary" degrees along with the students. Every university has their own criteria for awarding these honors, although it seems that quite a few "degrees" are awarded because of contributions with a lot of zeros attached, or for political reasons. 

I want my PhD.  If major Universities award honorary doctorates to politicians and celebrities for their achievements (or donations), I feel that I deserve a PhD in Animal Husbandry for all my work with my fellow mammals over the last fifty years.  

There are people who know me that will testify that I am or have been bull headed, stubborn as a mule, blind as a bat, lazy as a sloth, crazy as a loon, happy as a lark, gentle as a lamb, pig headed, and proud as a peacock. They will also tell you I have played possum, barked up the wrong tree, cried wolf, had a cow, and even horsed around.

I feel that I have taken the bull by the horns, been strong as a horse, and have shown good horse sense.  I admit that I have on occasion looked a gift horse in the mouth, been on a wild goose chase, and even counted my chickens before they hatched.  But I managed to hold my horses even though I sometimes end up beating a dead horse. And don’t even ask me how many times I have put the cart before the horse.

There were times when I shot the bull, talked turkey, clammed up, and still ate crow. More than once I have ended up with egg on my face, a bug in my ear, frog in my throat or a feather in my cap. And now and then the cat got my tongue.     

I’ve also gone whole hog and pigged out.

            I’ve even worn a monkey suit and monkeyed around.   

          I can’t forget that I’ve winged it a time or two, ducked out once or twice, been watched like a hawk, chickened out, had goose flesh, been given the bird and ended up mad as a wet hen.      

            I was bitten by the love bug and even suffered from puppy love.  

I have worked with fat cats, let the cat out of the bag, made cat calls, taken catnaps, played cat and mouse, and looked like something the cat drug in.

            I’ve gone to the dogs, been in the dog house, been sick as a dog and dog tired. I’ve let sleeping dogs lie, worked for the big dogs, had a dog eat dog career, and tried to teach an old dog new tricks.

             So, Harvard, or WSU! Where’s my degree?